Zoom Image
psql:
Dear Jason Sweeney - expert of flora and fauna. Please tell me some important facts about this 20-second gentleman of a dinosaur which came out of my hands.
Ten Important Facts about this Gentleman of a Dinosaur
1. His favorite food is shrew.
2. At every full moon, he transforms into 1985-era Ally Sheedy. He spends this time answering fan mail.
3. He has excellent handwriting.
4. In 1989, Salman Rushdie glued two garden slugs to his upper lip. The garden slugs are very happy with this arrangement and spend most of their time engaging in vigorous foreplay.
5. He believes his best features are his shapely hind legs. He is correct.
6. His cane was a full-functioning sword cane, but — due to an allergy to shellfish — he had the sword replaced with an EpiPen.
7. He has entered a write-in candidate on every ballot for every election he has ever voted in. Timothy Dalton has yet to take office.
8. His greatest fear is winning a Grammy for best spoken word album.
9. He has a luxurious head of curly hair, but two weeks after a one-night-stand with a member of DARPA, it was rendered completely invisible. He harbors no regrets.
10. He smokes empty toilet paper rolls, but only socially.
