March 2010
55 posts
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Unusable. All of it.
It’s unsettling how many antelope jokes end in a stampede.
“Your daughter? I thought it was a wildebeest!” Then the antelopes stampede.
“You’re a dick, Superman.” Then the antelopes stampede.
“The Aristocrats!” Then the antelopes stampede.
“Quiet! You’ll wake my mother!” Then the antelopes stampede.
Two antelope walk into...
'The Call'
As one of the semi-finalists for Canada Writes, I was asked to write 200 words or less on the audition process, which they would then post on the Canada Writes site.
Of course, I had to go and be a dick.
‘The Call’
I sat outside the café, the Moroccan air dry and still. I was torn whether to flag the waiter down and order another of their thick coffees or to sit and let the sun...
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Priorities
Morning. Beth lies next to me, laptop on her chest, catching up on what happened during the night. I yawn and snuggle up to her.
“That’s my scrolling arm. I need that to scroll.”
Peanuts, Bloom County, Calvin & Hobbes, every...
I just realized all of my formative comedic influences had talking animals.
Huh.
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WatchThe Road to TJ
In which our heroine begins a perilous journey from being TJ’s Canadian girlfriend to being a Wife of TJ.
Through the medium of the Bitchin’ Montage.
Happy Birthday, TJ.
Love, Beth and Jason.
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It's funny
It’s funny how often I get an idea for an animal drawing and I’ll tell Beth “Ooo! I’ll draw a kangaroo with a bottle of alcohol in its pouch!” Or “I’ll draw a guinea pig wearing a lab coat!”, but once I start drawing, the animal looks just right on its own so I don’t add the bottle or the lab coat.
And then Beth will tell me I broke her...
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WatchGodzilla and an alien throw @sniffyjenkins a birthday party
Wherein our atomic and otherworldly heroes arrange festivities on the anniversary of the birth of a truly stupendous lady.
Happy Birthday, Sniffy.
Love, Beth & Jason
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“We’re that obnoxious couple that’s really obnoxious. HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
– My wife
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“It’s really hard. Not my life. The ice cream.”
– My wife
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“Gassy angels.”
Ladies and...
Out at a Fancy Restaurant
Wife: “So… what’s going on with you? What’s up? What are you thinking? Anything rattling around in that head of yours? I wanna know everything that’s up with Jason!”
Me: “You already know everything there is to know about me.”
Wife: [Belch.]
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Pietà
I walked past a crying woman sitting on a bench, her wailing face turned to the sky. Tears streamed unhidden down her face and she held her arms wide. At her feet, a purse lay on its side, spilling its lip balms and mustard packets onto the beaten ground.
Stunned by how open she was in her grief and forgetful of my place as a stranger to her, I opened my mouth to ask her if there was anything I...
beeborg asked: I wanna know the Sweeneys a bit more:
Who are your top-5 celebrity crushes?
Who are your top-5 celebrity crushes?
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WatchLet’s All Go To The Car Wash!
We went to the car wash!
We got the Deluxe Wash!
Now you get to see it too!
I am quite impressed with the camcorder’s mic, considering the music in the video is actually what we were listening to in the car wash. Neat!
Also, my wife ate all the snacks.
You know one of the main reasons I love 30 Rock?
On most comedies, the main characters spend all their time insulting each other and tricking each other and I wonder why they even have each other in their lives.
Liz and Jack — while very different — actually care about each other and try to help each other.
When they mention something insulting about the other, it’s almost never as an insult, but instead as an understood fact...
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beeborg asked: When my buddies are into comics, I have a question that I like to know the answer to: Who are your top-five superheroes of all time & why?
WatchJim Ray’s bum is a stumbling block on the road of our marriage
Happy Birthday, Jim Ray!
Love, Beth & Jason
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The Hulk Buys Slacks
“HULK SMASH!”
“No no no, sir. Hulk does not smash.”
“HULK NOT SMASH?”
“No. Hulk buys slacks.”
“HULK BUY SLACKS!”
“Yes, sir. Hulk buys slacks. Now, will that be cash, debit, or credit?”
“HULK HAVE DEBIT CARD!”
“Excellent. Please swipe your card with the stripe facing in.”
“HULK...
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Sometimes I'm certain my cat is Batman
I mean, I am aware that whenever I wake up in the middle of the night, he’s sleeping right there next to my bum.
And yes, I do know I live in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia and not the fictional city of Gotham.
And when he eats his own throw-up, he is by no means grim.
And his last name is not Wayne.
And he’s really bad at dodging punches.
And he’s a cat.
But this is Batman...
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WatchTwitter: The Criterion Collection
What if Twitter… came to life?
We asked some of our friends to film their favorite tweets. We didn’t care how they did it. They could read it. They could act it. They could do it with puppets. Whatever they wanted. The only rules were it had to be a tweet written by someone else and it had to contain the entire tweet and nothing but the tweet.
This...
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Watch“Happy Birthday, Bailey!”: The Sweenination
My portion of the wonderful “Happy Birthday, Bailey!” video.
Of course, being a total dick, I decided to get fancy*.
* Not actually fancy.
