February 2012
13 posts
An effete snob
In theatre school, we did the musical Working, based on the book by Studs Terkel. The book was based on his interviews with people about their jobs. Just regular people with regular jobs.
Near the end of the show, there’s a real tear-jerker of a number called “Fathers and Sons”. (Seriously — if your father was in the audience that night? Boom. Waterworks. Every single guy in the show lost it at...
We can have sex when we're dead
Wife: “If they bury us in the same grave, then the worms and larvae that eat our bodies will probably have sex together.”
Me: “So that’s what I have to look forward to? Larvae sex over our decomposing bodies?”
Wife: “It’s better than nothing.”
1 tag
“Man, I’ve only had one flying dream, one Spider-Man dream (in which I hung out...”
– Mike Minnick
Superhero Dreams
Last night I dreamt I was Hawkman. I was in an industrial warehouse with the rest of the Justice League and we were trying to stop a plot to destroy the world. Everyone split up and I was left alone. I could feel my face tighten into a grimace as I thought of what the world was facing. I walked over to an open window and looked down. I was about six stories up.
And then it hit me. I’m Hawkman....
January 2012
42 posts
Sunday night
Wife: [Hugs me] "I don't know why I'm feeling so affectionate right now."
Me: "Did you take ecstasy?"
WatchWe’re having a busy day.
2 tags
“I’m writing ‘young and gifted’
In my autobiography
I...”
– Sloan, “Autobiography”
Happiness
I was walking to work when I saw a father pushing his son in a stroller. He noticed the light was turning green, so he started to run to catch it. I could see a huge smile break out on his son’s face as they zipped along. As they passed me, I could hear a tiny joyful “Wheeeee!”
And I realized — that’s how I want to live my life. That’s the level of happiness I want to instill in myself and...
POST ORIGINAL CONTENT ON YOUR TUMBLR.
everydaydude:
(Please Reblog)
2 tags
The devolution of butt crack.
Pez
And all the PEZ dispensers came to life. Their mouths gasped open and — with a forceful “Urp!” — they each vomited a piece of candy. And fell over.
Lying there, they couldn’t turn their heads. They couldn’t right themselves. All they could do was open and close their mouths, vomiting candy, their plastic bodies twitching on the ground, on the concrete, on the linoleum. Too soon, they were empty....
Last Year
Just took a quick look over what I posted last year and I thought I’d share some of the ones that made me smile. Nothing too much. Doo-dee-doo.
Drawings
Milk and Wookie
Seal of Approval
Cheese to the Rescue
Riding the Nightmare
I love you, man
Photos
Everyone needs a sidekick
Umm… I can’t see the PowerPoint
16 years
110%
Me and my Dad
Words
Leo
A Batman Screenplay
Today
...
“Life is so fucking horrible. But it’s amazing too, so there’s that.”
– My beautiful wife
Oh good. Even more animated GIFs.
2 tags
Saturday Morning
Wife: "I had the worst dream. We got divorced. I dreamt we had sex in a pool, but it got filmed. And Moltz put it on his blog. And I told you to get him to take it down. But you wouldn't. So we split up."
Me: "That would never happen."
Wife: "I know."
Me: "We wouldn't have sex."
Wife: "In a pool."
Me: "Yes. In a pool."
Monkeys
I was thinking about monkeys and how I really like them but then I remembered the Nazi monkey in Raiders of the Lost Ark and I was conflicted because I didn’t know if he was a true believer or if he was just following orders and then I felt bad because that’s no excuse but then I remembered he died after eating the poisoned dates and I started to feel terrible because that’s a horrific way to die...
2012
tensexyladies:
I awake on New Year’s Day to discover my fingers stuck in ten different vodka bottles. They make a terrible clatter as I somehow manage to don my kimono emblazoned with a .44 Magnum Colt Anaconda and the words I WILL DESERT STORM DAT ASS in Papyrus. I wait for my boner to subside and then go outside to greet 2012. The wintry air is invigorating upon my boner which did not subside....
