February 2012
21 posts
fireland:
So there’s this guy up on stage with on-fire barrels and the Santa Carla crowd is just loving it and he’s this big bodybuilder with an extremely oiled and nude torso and long greasy mullet and I think some chains around his neck — not like pretty little gold chains but the kind of chains you use to haul an engine out of a ‘64 Thunderbird? And he’s singing and pointing at the stone...
Angela Black smells like poo.
Her: Then the nightmares began. And never really stopped, I guess.
Him: 1. Befriend chicken.
How to make the best scrambled eggs ever
Befriend chicken.
Get invited to Disney World by chicken’s family.
Go on Space Mountain.
Have the best time ever.
Eat your best friend’s eggs.
TWEETUMBLUP IN TORONTO! Saturday, June 16
torontup:
Come to Toronto! See Toronto stuff! Meet Toronto people! Drink Toronto drinks! Stare at Canadians! They probably won’t have a gun. If you’re already from Toronto or Canada, some of this stuff won’t be as exciting. I’m sorry.
There are two Jays games that weekend, and NXNE is on, so there should be plenty to do if you’re easily bored.
There’s a farm in the middle of the city. There’s...
An effete snob
In theatre school, we did the musical Working, based on the book by Studs Terkel. The book was based on his interviews with people about their jobs. Just regular people with regular jobs.
Near the end of the show, there’s a real tear-jerker of a number called “Fathers and Sons”. (Seriously — if your father was in the audience that night? Boom. Waterworks. Every single guy in the show lost it at...
We can have sex when we're dead
Wife: “If they bury us in the same grave, then the worms and larvae that eat our bodies will probably have sex together.”
Me: “So that’s what I have to look forward to? Larvae sex over our decomposing bodies?”
Wife: “It’s better than nothing.”
1 tag
“Man, I’ve only had one flying dream, one Spider-Man dream (in which I hung out...”
– Mike Minnick
Superhero Dreams
Last night I dreamt I was Hawkman. I was in an industrial warehouse with the rest of the Justice League and we were trying to stop a plot to destroy the world. Everyone split up and I was left alone. I could feel my face tighten into a grimace as I thought of what the world was facing. I walked over to an open window and looked down. I was about six stories up.
And then it hit me. I’m Hawkman....
January 2012
42 posts
Sunday night
Wife: [Hugs me] "I don't know why I'm feeling so affectionate right now."
Me: "Did you take ecstasy?"
WatchWe’re having a busy day.
2 tags
“I’m writing ‘young and gifted’
In my autobiography
I...”
– Sloan, “Autobiography”
Happiness
I was walking to work when I saw a father pushing his son in a stroller. He noticed the light was turning green, so he started to run to catch it. I could see a huge smile break out on his son’s face as they zipped along. As they passed me, I could hear a tiny joyful “Wheeeee!”
And I realized — that’s how I want to live my life. That’s the level of happiness I want to instill in myself and...
POST ORIGINAL CONTENT ON YOUR TUMBLR.
everydaydude:
(Please Reblog)
2 tags
The devolution of butt crack.
Pez
And all the PEZ dispensers came to life. Their mouths gasped open and — with a forceful “Urp!” — they each vomited a piece of candy. And fell over.
Lying there, they couldn’t turn their heads. They couldn’t right themselves. All they could do was open and close their mouths, vomiting candy, their plastic bodies twitching on the ground, on the concrete, on the linoleum. Too soon, they were empty....
Last Year
Just took a quick look over what I posted last year and I thought I’d share some of the ones that made me smile. Nothing too much. Doo-dee-doo.
Drawings
Milk and Wookie
Seal of Approval
Cheese to the Rescue
Riding the Nightmare
I love you, man
Photos
Everyone needs a sidekick
Umm… I can’t see the PowerPoint
16 years
110%
Me and my Dad
Words
Leo
A Batman Screenplay
Today
...