My wife

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like as a sequel to Memento.

“Someone ate my cookie. WHO???”

“Lost is on Tuesday nights.”

“The cat is a liar.”

“It’s a tv show.”

“If someone says ‘Down low!’, don’t be too slow.”

“Don’t worry, no one else knows what’s going on either.”

“5, 4, 6, 3, 2, 1”

“They had a polar bear once and that was cool.”

“OH MY GOD TATTOOS HURT!!!”

“Wait, no. Here’s the cookie.”

“Buy new film for Polaroid.”

“Buy a polar bear.”

“I should start a wiki.”

“Didn’t I have a cookie?”

I’m not joking.

GPOYW.

Had my audition/interview today for CBC’s Canada Writes. I think it went well.

I’ll find out next week whether or not they want me to come to Toronto for the Eastern Canada finals.

I’ve done everything I can. It’s all up to them now. 

Nedroid Picture Diary: Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

“Gassy angels.”

Ladies and gentlemen… my wife.

Wife: “So… what’s going on with you? What’s up? What are you thinking? Anything rattling around in that head of yours? I wanna know everything that’s up with Jason!”

Me: “You already know everything there is to know about me.”

Wife: [Belch.]

I walked past a crying woman sitting on a bench, her wailing face turned to the sky. Tears streamed unhidden down her face and she held her arms wide. At her feet, a purse lay on its side, spilling its lip balms and mustard packets onto the beaten ground. 

Stunned by how open she was in her grief and forgetful of my place as a stranger to her, I opened my mouth to ask her if there was anything I could do.

Also forgetful of the fact that I was currently in a contest with myself to see how many chocolate chip cookies I could fit in my mouth at one time.

It was seventeen.

But they were the little ones.

lowres:

[ ED. NOTE: Angela told me I’ve been working too hard and that I need to relax and have some fun. So she put me in my favorite costume and sent me out to do a tandem dive with an “experienced skydiver”.

I really hope there’s a big fucking parachute in that bag, because I am so not relaxed right now. ]

The good news is he really is an experienced skydiver. The bad news is when you land, you are strapped to a dinosaur.

beeborg asked: I wanna know the Sweeneys a bit more:

Who are your top-5 celebrity crushes?

I just have a real problem coming up with “all-time favorites” lists for, well… anything. Usually, I can think of one or two, but then I start thinking “Well… that was my favorite then but I don’t like it now, and I really like this now but I didn’t even know it existed back then.”

So this is more of a list of celebrity crushes I can think of right now. (Except for Lauren Graham.)

And for most of them, it’s not a crush on the celebrity, but on the role the celebrity played in a movie or tv show. It’s the character I got to know, not the celebrity. (Except for Lauren Graham.)

So here goes:

Five Celebrity Crushes I Can Think of Right Now!

Anya in Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. I’ve got a geek crush for many of the Whedon women, but I have a special place in my heart for Anya. Maybe it’s the bunnies.

Zoe Bell in Death Proof and Katee Sackhoff in Battlestar Galactica. I have a feeling a night out with either of these women would end with me in a quivering mass by the side of the road while they peel out, spraying me with gravel, looking for Round 2. But it would be awesome.

Rene Russo in The Thomas Crowne Affair. I’m sorry, but if you don’t think she’s blindingly hot in this movie, you are made of stone.

And Lauren Graham in everything Lauren Graham does. Shut up.